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I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

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Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

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Humor is just another defense against the universe.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

My pal primary observed yuor web blog on Google and she alluded your blog to my opinion.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Thanks for this information, saved me a few hours of trawling google!

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

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'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

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If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

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The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

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Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

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One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

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If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

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Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

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The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

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Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

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It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

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I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

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I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

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Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

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Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

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In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

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Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

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There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

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I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

The truth is more important than the facts.

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I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

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The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

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If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

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Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

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My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

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And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

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Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

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A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

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I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

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Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.